By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC
If you listen to and are interested in the current research in parenting and discipline, then you will know that a focus on connecting with your child is one of the most important prevention strategies for misbehavior. You know that a child acting out is a child unable to get their needs met in a way that is “appropriate.” What your child needs during a tantrum is not a time out, but is understanding and a hug from you. After ordering every new parenting book you can find on Amazon and reading half of them, you get to work. You spend time each day reading with your child, learning about Fortnite, snuggling on the couch watching Sponge Bob, helping them with their homework, and taking them to special restaurants. I will no longer scream at my child. I will be peace and tranquility. My child will behave because we are connected. And then your child looks you in the face and says, “NO,” to all requests to clean their room or do their homework. They argue that the sky is brown and not blue (which depending on where you live is actually true). And then you get another call home from school that your child has been disrespectful and defiant towards his teacher. Your next thought (after thinking of ways to destroy your sweet child) is “I am the worst parent in the world. I am not connected with my child and clearly don’t know how to connect.” It might switch to “what do all these experts know anyway? Do they even have kids?”
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