By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC
Adolescents
Adolescents
Beginning middle school can be a very daunting experience. I do not know many people that would say, “middle school was the best years of my life.” The transition from one consistent teacher and a consistent group of kids in your class to a new teacher and new classmates is difficult enough. Add in having a locker, twice as much homework, and usually waking up earlier, and it seems like it can’t get any worse. But the most scary aspect of middle school for the majority of the kids I work with (and I would bet for a huge chunk of the tween population) is navigating the social scene in grades sixth through eighth.
Developmentally, fitting-in is of huge importance for this age group. When I was in middle school, a million years ago, what you wore was of utmost importance. Dress is still important today, but kids today also have the pleasure of worrying about what phone they have, who they follow on Instagram, what YouTubers they keep up with, and their Streak number with friends on Snapchat, just to name a few. Fitting in seems more complicated than ever. And what if the group of friends (I typically use air quotes when saying the word “friends” with my tweens) you choose actually start to bully you? Unfortunately this is an all too common situation. I am going to share a few tips to help prevent or at least soften one of the biggest fears of tweens today…not having a group of friends to hang out with in middle school.
Remember, middle school is a relatively short time in your life. It is tough for many. You can use these tips to help protect you from some of the worst middle school can dish out.
- Protect your Information
Too many of my tweens immediately latch on to one friend or friend group. They share stories with me of their new best friend(s) and how they are so close and do everything together. Then I learn they have known this bestie for less than a week. They share their deepest, darkest secrets with them, only to find out they have been betrayed. All of their secrets are out. Not all of these secret-spillers do so maliciously. Some are oblivious to the repercussions and are just trying to add to a conversation and seem important. Others, unfortunately, gain your trust, learn your secrets and then use them to climb the all-important social ladder. How can you prevent this? Simple. Take your time to get to know someone before you share your secrets. I’m not telling you never to trust someone. I’m asking you to make sure your new bestie is trust-worthy and not sharing other people’s stuff before you share yours. - Diversify your Friendships
This step is very important. It will allow you an out if your friend group starts to bully you. If you are only friends with one group of peers and do not really know anyone else, you have nowhere to go if you are being bullied. Being friends with or at least friendly with multiple groups of kids is a huge protective factor for you. I have heard over and over again from kids starting as young as second grade that one friend won’t let them be friends or play with someone else. WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! If you aren’t “allowed” to hang out with other kids, bullying may be just around the corner. Typically kids that bully are pretty smart and know what they are doing. If you do not have anywhere else to go, you will most likely stick with the group, even if they are bullying you, because the other option, being alone, seems much worse. Meet and be friendly to all different types of kids. You’ll meet some great people and will have a way out should one group start to bully you. - Remember, you are Not the Only One
If middle school is tough for you and it feels like you are the only one who is self-conscious, the only one who is worried, or the only one being bullied…you are not alone. Even some of the kids who seem to have it all together and are on top of the social ladder struggle with feelings of worthlessness and fear. Take a deep breath. Ask for help if you need it.
Remember, middle school is a relatively short time in your life. It is tough for many. You can use these tips to help protect you from some of the worst middle school can dish out.
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