The end of the school year is upon us!  As we start our summers during the age of COVID-19, we will continue to have to be flexible and manage our expectations.  Trips have been canceled.  Summer camps will look different; if they happen at all.  And the worry of what school will look like in the fall looms large for many.  Radical acceptance is a difficult concept for many adults to adhere to, so what about our kids?
 
In my lifetime, there has not been a global situation that has affected our children as much as this pandemic is, and the effects will be ongoing, long after there is a vaccine and our worlds look closer to how they were in 2019.  These times can be confusing, frustrating, and scary for many.  Our children’s mental health will be affected if it hasn’t been already, and while mental health professionals are equipped to deal with these experiences that our children are living through, parents are on the front lines.  Parents are the first line of defense.  This may seem really scary as a parent (I have the privilege of being a parent to two wonderful boys and feel unsure all the time).
 
How can we as parents help our children weather this storm?

The holiday season is upon us.  A time for family and friends, too much food and presents.  Many parents I know worry about how much is too much when it comes to presents and gift giving.  Parents buy many many toys that are sometimes tossed to the side and not used in the ways that you hoped.  This can bring up feelings of frustration and resentment and may make you wonder what your child is grateful for, if anything.  If you ask your child what they are grateful for, many times you will hear that they are grateful for their tablets or phones, toys, maybe their house or if you’re lucky they might say you or their family.  While these are definitely things to be grateful for, the ideas of gratefulness or gratitude are much bigger than the things we possess.  How can we teach our children about the power of gratitude?

​Extra-curricular activities can be a fun way for children to learn skills and values such as time management, the value of team work, the value of hard work and dedication, as well as many others.  There are all types of activities that are beneficial for kids to participate in; music, art, volunteering in the community, drama, and athletics.  If you have a high energy or hyperactive child, providing your child ways to exercise and burn off some of that energy is needed and athletic activities are great for this.  If your child has ADHD, it can be challenging to find an extracurricular activity that will keep your child engaged, motivated, and will help with the illusive skill of time management.  Many children with ADHD not only struggle with focus and attention to detail, many also struggle in the social world as well, making team sports more difficult.  Some children with ADHD do very well in a team environment and the team dynamics do not cause anxiety or blows to their self-esteem.  If you do have a child that struggles in the social arena and may need an individual sport, martial arts may be exactly what you are looking for.

By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC

Yep, school is coming.  Most likely, your summer schedule has become more lax and free-spirited.  Vacations, inconsistent meal times, staying up late, and sleeping in are all some of the perks of summer vacation.  As school approaches, parents fear the process of getting their kids back into a set and structured schedule.  This is difficult for almost all children and parents alike.  One of the major struggles I hear during the transition time of starting school in the fall is how to set a morning routine.  For children with ADD and ADHD, structure in the mornings can help set the day and help them feel some control over their busy minds and bodies.  

By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC

​If you have a child with either ADHD or ADD or if you are diagnosed with one, you know how difficult organization can be.  Many times it seems that there is a trail of mess and destruction following your child.  You can see the path they took while changing their clothes or while taking off their backpack, shoes, and jacket after coming home from school.  Their folders and binders explode with week-old, half-completed assignments when you open them and their planners have yet to be opened.  There is rarely a spot of carpet that can be seen on the floor of their bedroom and you think, “No wonder they can’t ever find their soccer cleats.”  If your child struggles with executive function, they will probably also struggle with cleaning their room and keeping their school work organized among other things.  As frustrating as this can be, it is our job as parents to find strategies to help.

By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC

If you’re like me, you have always thought you’d be cool as a cucumber as a parent.  I will connect with my child and they will tell me everything.  We will be so close.  I will not do all of those annoying things that my parents did.  And then your sweet little child gets in your car after a day at school and you ask, “How was your day?”  The response, “Fine.”  So then you casually ask, “Well, did you learn anything new today?”  “No.”  By now your anxiety is moving up through your body.  “Did anything interesting happen at school today?”  “Not really.”

THAT’S IT!  I haven’t been with you for the past 8 hours (sometimes even longer) and that’s all I get?  Four words!!!  For many families, this change from sharing every little piece of information about their day to one and two word answers starts in the tween years (10-13 years old).  Well, for me, this conversation, if you can really call it that, happened when my child was three years old and I was picking him up from preschool.  

By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC

​If you listen to and are interested in the current research in parenting and discipline, then you will know that a focus on connecting with your child is one of the most important prevention strategies for misbehavior.  You know that a child acting out is a child unable to get their needs met in a way that is “appropriate.”  What your child needs during a tantrum is not a time out, but is understanding and a hug from you.  After ordering every new parenting book you can find on Amazon and reading half of them, you get to work.  You spend time each day reading with your child, learning about Fortnite, snuggling on the couch watching Sponge Bob, helping them with their homework, and taking them to special restaurants.  I will no longer scream at my child.  I will be peace and tranquility.  My child will behave because we are connected.  And then your child looks you in the face and says, “NO,” to all requests to clean their room or do their homework.  They argue that the sky is brown and not blue (which depending on where you live is actually true).  And then you get another call home from school that your child has been disrespectful and defiant towards his teacher.  Your next thought (after thinking of ways to destroy your sweet child) is “I am the worst parent in the world.  I am not connected with my child and clearly don’t know how to connect.”  It might switch to “what do all these experts know anyway?  Do they even have kids?”

By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC
​Adolescents

​Beginning middle school can be a very daunting experience.  I do not know many people that would say, “middle school was the best years of my life.”  The transition from one consistent teacher and a consistent group of kids in your class to a new teacher and new classmates is difficult enough.  Add in having a locker, twice as much homework, and usually waking up earlier, and it seems like it can’t get any worse.  But the most scary aspect of middle school for the majority of the kids I work with (and I would bet for a huge chunk of the tween population) is navigating the social scene in grades sixth through eighth.

By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC
Play (Child) Therapy

Does your child get frustrated easily? 

It doesn’t matter if they are doing homework, trying to get dressed by themselves, playing video games, or playing with friends or siblings, your child is frustrated.  Their frustration may look like a complete melt down with tears or really angry, complete with yelling and throwing things.  Most likely, in the end, your child feels like giving up.  As a parent, I have seen this first hand with my oldest child and as a play therapist, I see this very often in my office.  Watching your beautiful, smart child give up on something that seems easily fixable to you can be heart breaking and make you feel as frustrated yourself. 

So, how can you help your child solve everyday problems, which will then help them solve bigger problems later in life?