Parenting a child with ADHD is a bit like trying to teach a butterfly to follow a straight path. They’re colorful, curious, and full of energy, but boy, do they get distracted! If you’ve ever wondered what’s really going on inside your child’s brain and why they act the way they do, you’re not alone. Let’s take a closer look at how the ADHD brain works and how understanding it can help you parent with more patience, compassion, and maybe even a little humor.

What’s Happening inside the ADHD Brain?

Imagine you’re driving a car with an overactive accelerator and unreliable brakes. That’s the ADHD brain. It’s not that your child isn’t trying; it’s that their brain is wired differently. ADHD impacts the areas responsible for attention, impulse control, and emotional regulation. Think of it as having a Ferrari engine with bicycle brakes.
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Kids with ADHD are often amazing problem-solvers, creative thinkers, and full of enthusiasm—when they’re engaged. The trick is learning how to harness these strengths while addressing the challenges.

If you’ve got an ADHD kiddo at home, you’ve probably heard advice like, “They need structure.” But what does that actually mean? And how do you create structure when your child seems allergic to schedules? Don’t worry—you’re not alone, and we’ve got some tips to help.

Why ADHD Kids Thrive on Structure

Think of structure like bumpers on a bowling lane. It doesn’t guarantee a strike, but it keeps the ball out of the gutter. For ADHD kids, routines and clear expectations provide a sense of safety and predictability in what often feels like a chaotic world.

When there’s structure, your child doesn’t have to guess what’s coming next. This reduces anxiety and helps their brain conserve energy for other tasks, like actually doing the thing instead of arguing about it.

Parenting any child can be challenging, but when you add ADHD to the mix, it can feel like you’re juggling flaming swords. The good news? With the right strategies (and maybe a little extra caffeine), you can navigate these challenges without losing your cool.

Why ADHD Can Be Frustrating

Kids with ADHD aren’t trying to push your buttons (well, not most of the time). Their brain struggles with executive functions like planning, organizing, and impulse control. This means tasks like putting on shoes or finishing homework can turn into an Olympic event.

90 degree days are here! Time to go swimming and camping. Time to stay up late and time to sleep the day away.
 
These are some of the things that my boys are loving about summer. 
 
And even though it is still July, I am already dreading the transition to going back to school.
 
While the transition from the carefree days of summer break can be challenging for most children, it can be particularly tough for those with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). So, why is this shift from summer vacation back to the routine of school days difficult for children with ADHD?

The end of the school year is upon us!  As we start our summers during the age of COVID-19, we will continue to have to be flexible and manage our expectations.  Trips have been canceled.  Summer camps will look different; if they happen at all.  And the worry of what school will look like in the fall looms large for many.  Radical acceptance is a difficult concept for many adults to adhere to, so what about our kids?
 
In my lifetime, there has not been a global situation that has affected our children as much as this pandemic is, and the effects will be ongoing, long after there is a vaccine and our worlds look closer to how they were in 2019.  These times can be confusing, frustrating, and scary for many.  Our children’s mental health will be affected if it hasn’t been already, and while mental health professionals are equipped to deal with these experiences that our children are living through, parents are on the front lines.  Parents are the first line of defense.  This may seem really scary as a parent (I have the privilege of being a parent to two wonderful boys and feel unsure all the time).
 
How can we as parents help our children weather this storm?

The holiday season is upon us.  A time for family and friends, too much food and presents.  Many parents I know worry about how much is too much when it comes to presents and gift giving.  Parents buy many many toys that are sometimes tossed to the side and not used in the ways that you hoped.  This can bring up feelings of frustration and resentment and may make you wonder what your child is grateful for, if anything.  If you ask your child what they are grateful for, many times you will hear that they are grateful for their tablets or phones, toys, maybe their house or if you’re lucky they might say you or their family.  While these are definitely things to be grateful for, the ideas of gratefulness or gratitude are much bigger than the things we possess.  How can we teach our children about the power of gratitude?

By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC

Yep, school is coming.  Most likely, your summer schedule has become more lax and free-spirited.  Vacations, inconsistent meal times, staying up late, and sleeping in are all some of the perks of summer vacation.  As school approaches, parents fear the process of getting their kids back into a set and structured schedule.  This is difficult for almost all children and parents alike.  One of the major struggles I hear during the transition time of starting school in the fall is how to set a morning routine.  For children with ADD and ADHD, structure in the mornings can help set the day and help them feel some control over their busy minds and bodies.  

By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC

​If you listen to and are interested in the current research in parenting and discipline, then you will know that a focus on connecting with your child is one of the most important prevention strategies for misbehavior.  You know that a child acting out is a child unable to get their needs met in a way that is “appropriate.”  What your child needs during a tantrum is not a time out, but is understanding and a hug from you.  After ordering every new parenting book you can find on Amazon and reading half of them, you get to work.  You spend time each day reading with your child, learning about Fortnite, snuggling on the couch watching Sponge Bob, helping them with their homework, and taking them to special restaurants.  I will no longer scream at my child.  I will be peace and tranquility.  My child will behave because we are connected.  And then your child looks you in the face and says, “NO,” to all requests to clean their room or do their homework.  They argue that the sky is brown and not blue (which depending on where you live is actually true).  And then you get another call home from school that your child has been disrespectful and defiant towards his teacher.  Your next thought (after thinking of ways to destroy your sweet child) is “I am the worst parent in the world.  I am not connected with my child and clearly don’t know how to connect.”  It might switch to “what do all these experts know anyway?  Do they even have kids?”

By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC
Play (Child) Therapy

Does your child get frustrated easily? 

It doesn’t matter if they are doing homework, trying to get dressed by themselves, playing video games, or playing with friends or siblings, your child is frustrated.  Their frustration may look like a complete melt down with tears or really angry, complete with yelling and throwing things.  Most likely, in the end, your child feels like giving up.  As a parent, I have seen this first hand with my oldest child and as a play therapist, I see this very often in my office.  Watching your beautiful, smart child give up on something that seems easily fixable to you can be heart breaking and make you feel as frustrated yourself. 

So, how can you help your child solve everyday problems, which will then help them solve bigger problems later in life?