Organizing Your ADHD Child -- Part 1: Cleaning the Messy Room

By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC

​If you have a child with either ADHD or ADD or if you are diagnosed with one, you know how difficult organization can be.  Many times it seems that there is a trail of mess and destruction following your child.  You can see the path they took while changing their clothes or while taking off their backpack, shoes, and jacket after coming home from school.  Their folders and binders explode with week-old, half-completed assignments when you open them and their planners have yet to be opened.  There is rarely a spot of carpet that can be seen on the floor of their bedroom and you think, “No wonder they can’t ever find their soccer cleats.”  If your child struggles with executive function, they will probably also struggle with cleaning their room and keeping their school work organized among other things.  As frustrating as this can be, it is our job as parents to find strategies to help.

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Think of the messy room or disorganized backpack as a representation of the ADHD mind.  The information is in there, it’s just moving at such a fast and unorganized pace that what you are looking for is very often hard to find.  By helping them organize their outside world, you are decreasing the stimulus that can distract them from other tasks, remove some of the overwhelm around them, and give them confidence that they can in fact accomplish something.

I think most parents get some push back when asking their children to clean their rooms.  Right?!  Cleaning is no fun.  But there is more to this push back for children struggling with ADHD.  Their inability to clean their room to your standards can lower their confidence and give them another opportunity to get yelled at and feel like they suck.  They start cleaning, find a forgotten toy under their bed and 45 minutes later they have made more of a mess setting up a game revolving around the forgotten toy.  You come in, see the new mess on top of the old mess, get extremely frustrated and snap.  Does this sound familiar?  Below are some tips to help your child organize their things to decrease the interactions like the example above.

1. Create a Checklist
   Think about how overwhelmed you are when you look at their mess.  They also feel overwhelmed and typically don’t know where to start.  A checklist like the ones provided here  (Arvada Therapy Solutions My Clean Room Checklist) help your child organize the process by organizing their possessions into like items and helps them keep their focus on one step at a time.  Instead of trying to clean up one area that may have dirty clothes, old school work, different types of toys, and candy wrappers that should all have different “homes,” we are asking them to focus on one type of item.  We may start with picking up all of the dirty clothes and putting them into the hamper.  Once that job is complete, they can check it off the list and move on to the next task.  Having a physical list is also very helpful as your child also probably struggles with following more than one or two directions at a time.  There can be a deficit in their working memory, and a tangible list can help them overcome that barrier.
2. Set a Timer
   Cleaning up a room can feel like FOREVER.  Setting a timer for a 10-15 minutes (depending on the age of your child) allows them to see how much they can get done within that time period and also gives them a light at the end of the tunnel.  Racing the clock gives more motivation to the task making it (even if only a tiny bit) more fun.  Then give them a short break if they are not finished, ask how long they think it will take them to complete the rest of the job, and see if they can beat the clock.
3. The “Forgotten” Toy Container
   Inevitably, your child will find a once loved, now forgotten toy somewhere under all of the mess.  These are typically the most distracting and they will lose their focus and want to play with the once special toy.  Set up a small container for these items, so that they do not have to put it away and can play with it when they are done or during their break.  I suggest a small container so that once it is full, they are not able to keep out other toys and will have to find “homes” for them.  This container is also a reminder for your child to actually play with the toy.  Remember the struggle with working memory?  In the time it takes your child to clean their room, they may forget how much they needed to play with the forgotten toy.  They will then remember at bedtime and will try to push back bedtime because they have to play with it.
4. Creating “Homes” for Their Things
   One of the barriers for many children is that they are not sure where things go.  All of their possessions should have a home.  For younger children, taking pictures of the items and putting them on containers can help them learn to organize like-items and lets them know where each type of item belongs.  For older kids, it is still helpful to label where things go.  If your child does not know where things go, they will inevitably wind up under the bed.
5. Consistency Will Limit Overwhelm
   The amount and intensity of overwhelm, which leads to arguments and melt-downs, can be limited when the room doesn’t become so messy.  Their experience of having to clean forever will increase their resistance in the future, which will start the never ending cycle of fighting over room cleaning.  Cleaning once a week may be enough for your child or it may not be.  You need to determine the timeline based on your child.  If they are able to clean their room in under 30 minutes, they will fight less in the future.
6. Be Aware of Your Messaging
   Children with ADHD typically really do struggle with organization.  While frustrating, they are not intentionally pissing you off.  They are avoiding a task that is boring and makes them feel bad about themselves.  Let them know that you are in this together and that you are going to help them build the skills to make this easier in the future.  We can calm down the work around them to help them slow down the world inside their minds.