By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC

If you’re like me, you have always thought you’d be cool as a cucumber as a parent.  I will connect with my child and they will tell me everything.  We will be so close.  I will not do all of those annoying things that my parents did.  And then your sweet little child gets in your car after a day at school and you ask, “How was your day?”  The response, “Fine.”  So then you casually ask, “Well, did you learn anything new today?”  “No.”  By now your anxiety is moving up through your body.  “Did anything interesting happen at school today?”  “Not really.”

THAT’S IT!  I haven’t been with you for the past 8 hours (sometimes even longer) and that’s all I get?  Four words!!!  For many families, this change from sharing every little piece of information about their day to one and two word answers starts in the tween years (10-13 years old).  Well, for me, this conversation, if you can really call it that, happened when my child was three years old and I was picking him up from preschool.  

By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC

​If you listen to and are interested in the current research in parenting and discipline, then you will know that a focus on connecting with your child is one of the most important prevention strategies for misbehavior.  You know that a child acting out is a child unable to get their needs met in a way that is “appropriate.”  What your child needs during a tantrum is not a time out, but is understanding and a hug from you.  After ordering every new parenting book you can find on Amazon and reading half of them, you get to work.  You spend time each day reading with your child, learning about Fortnite, snuggling on the couch watching Sponge Bob, helping them with their homework, and taking them to special restaurants.  I will no longer scream at my child.  I will be peace and tranquility.  My child will behave because we are connected.  And then your child looks you in the face and says, “NO,” to all requests to clean their room or do their homework.  They argue that the sky is brown and not blue (which depending on where you live is actually true).  And then you get another call home from school that your child has been disrespectful and defiant towards his teacher.  Your next thought (after thinking of ways to destroy your sweet child) is “I am the worst parent in the world.  I am not connected with my child and clearly don’t know how to connect.”  It might switch to “what do all these experts know anyway?  Do they even have kids?”

By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC
​Adolescents

​Beginning middle school can be a very daunting experience.  I do not know many people that would say, “middle school was the best years of my life.”  The transition from one consistent teacher and a consistent group of kids in your class to a new teacher and new classmates is difficult enough.  Add in having a locker, twice as much homework, and usually waking up earlier, and it seems like it can’t get any worse.  But the most scary aspect of middle school for the majority of the kids I work with (and I would bet for a huge chunk of the tween population) is navigating the social scene in grades sixth through eighth.

By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC
Play (Child) Therapy

Does your child get frustrated easily? 

It doesn’t matter if they are doing homework, trying to get dressed by themselves, playing video games, or playing with friends or siblings, your child is frustrated.  Their frustration may look like a complete melt down with tears or really angry, complete with yelling and throwing things.  Most likely, in the end, your child feels like giving up.  As a parent, I have seen this first hand with my oldest child and as a play therapist, I see this very often in my office.  Watching your beautiful, smart child give up on something that seems easily fixable to you can be heart breaking and make you feel as frustrated yourself. 

So, how can you help your child solve everyday problems, which will then help them solve bigger problems later in life?